Should My Adult Child Moving Back Home Have to Fill Out an “Application” in Order to Do So?
Updated: 6 hours ago
Having an adult child moving back home can be a major adjustment for everyone involved. Whether your son or daughter is returning home after college, a breakup, financial difficulties, job loss, or simply because they need some additional time to become financially independent, the decision deserves some careful thought.
One idea that may seem unusual at first is asking your adult child to complete an “application” or formal Request to Move Back Home before agreeing to let them return. While this isn't necessarily a legal application or a way to treat your adult child like a tenant, it can be a useful parenting tool for starting an important conversation about expectations.
Why Have an Application for an Adult Child Moving Back Home?
When an adult child asks to move back home, parents may understandably focus on helping them as quickly as possible. However, agreeing to the arrangement without discussing the details can create problems later.
An informal application gives both the parent and adult child an opportunity to think through questions such as:
How long will the arrangement last? What will the adult child contribute to the household?
Will they pay rent or help with expenses?
What household responsibilities will they have?
What are their plans for employment, education, saving money, or eventually moving out?
These questions aren't intended to make your son or daughter feel unwelcome. Instead, they can help everyone understand what they are agreeing to before the move takes place.
It Doesn't Have to Feel Like a Job Application
The word “application” can sound overly formal when you're talking about your own son or daughter. The purpose isn't to decide whether your adult child is “worthy” of coming home.
Instead, think of it as a Request to Move Back Home.
The request can give your adult child an opportunity to explain why they want or need to return, what they hope to accomplish while living at home, and how they plan to contribute to the household.
It also gives parents an opportunity to communicate their expectations clearly. This can be particularly helpful because expectations that are obvious to one person may not be obvious to another.
What Should the Request Include?
A good Request to Move Back Home doesn't need to be complicated. It can ask your adult child to provide some basic information about their situation and their plans.
For example, you might ask about their reason for moving home, employment or educational plans, expected length of stay, financial situation, household responsibilities, and goals for becoming more independent.
The form can also be used as the starting point for a conversation about rules and expectations.
The goal isn't to create a mountain of paperwork. The goal is to encourage everyone to think about the arrangement before agreeing to it.
Consider the Difference Between Helping and Enabling
One of the biggest challenges when an adult child moves back home is finding the right balance between providing support and encouraging independence.
Parents naturally want to help their children. At the same time, moving back home shouldn't necessarily mean that an adult child puts their responsibilities on hold indefinitely.
For some families, living at home can provide an opportunity to pay down debt, save money, finish school, find better employment, or otherwise prepare for independent living.
Having a conversation about those goals at the beginning can help make the arrangement more purposeful.
Discuss Expectations Before Your Adult Child Moves Back Home
Perhaps the most important reason to use a formal request is that it encourages parents and adult children to discuss expectations before problems arise.
For example, parents may assume that their adult child will help with household chores. The adult child may assume that because they are paying rent, they aren't responsible for anything else.
Parents may expect the arrangement to last six months. Their adult child may assume they can stay for two years.
Neither person necessarily has bad intentions. They simply may have different expectations.
Discussing these issues ahead of time can prevent many unnecessary disagreements.
Turn the Request into a Written Agreement
Once you've agreed that your adult child can return home, consider putting the important expectations in writing.
A written adult child living at home agreement can address things such as household responsibilities, financial contributions, privacy, guests, curfews or quiet hours, transportation, substance use, communication, and expectations for eventually moving out.
The agreement doesn't have to be punitive. In fact, it can be viewed as a roadmap for successfully living together as adults.
Use the Request to Start a Conversation
If your adult child is uncomfortable with the idea of filling out an “application,” explain why you're asking them to complete it.
You aren't necessarily evaluating them the way a landlord evaluates a prospective tenant. You're trying to make sure that everyone has considered what moving back home will actually involve.
In many cases, the conversation that follows the request may be more valuable than the form itself.
Download the Request to Move Back Home
If you're considering allowing your adult child to move back home, we've created a Request to Move Back Home that parents can use to help structure this conversation.
The form gives your adult child an opportunity to explain their situation and their plans while giving you both a starting point for discussing expectations.
Request to Move Back Home
Before agreeing to an adult child moving back home, take the time to discuss the practical, financial, and emotional aspects of the arrangement. A little planning at the beginning can make the transition much easier for everyone—and can help turn living at home into a step toward greater independence rather than an indefinite arrangement.
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