What to Do if You Feel Taken Advantage of by Your Adult Child Living at Home
- Chris Theisen
- 10 hours ago
- 3 min read
When our children grow up, many of us imagine a future where they are thriving independently, visiting on weekends, and calling for advice—but also managing their own lives. So, when an adult child continues to live at home, especially for longer than expected, the emotional and financial dynamics can get complicated.
If you’re starting to feel taken advantage of, you are not alone, and it does not mean you are a bad parent for feeling frustrated, burned out, or uncertain about what comes next. Many families are quietly navigating this territory, especially as living costs rise and the path to independence looks different than it did a generation ago.
Here are some practical steps to restore balance, boundary, and respect in your home.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings—They’re Valid
Resentment often builds when we ignore how we feel in order to “keep the peace.”Your emotions are signals—not judgments.
Feeling:
Unappreciated
Financially strained
Taken for granted
Irritated by lack of contribution
Exhausted by managing everything
…doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. It means something in the arrangement is not working.
Write your thoughts down, talk with a friend, or speak to a counselor. Understanding your feelings will help you communicate more clearly later.
2. Clarify the Purpose and Timeline of Their Stay
Is your child living at home:
While finishing school?
To save money for a deposit?
While job searching?
Because of a crisis or health reason?
Or simply because there is no expectation to leave?
If there is no clear purpose or timeframe, you’re essentially in open-ended cohabitation, which can create uncertainty and frustration for everyone.
You don’t need an aggressive conversation—just clarity. Something like:
“Let’s talk about what the goal is for your time living at home and how we can make this arrangement fair and temporary.”
3. Establish House Expectations & Adult Responsibilities
Your home is not a hotel—and you are not the staff.
Reasonable expectations might include:
Contributing financially
Cleaning shared spaces
Purchasing their own groceries or household items
Managing their own laundry, meals, and schedules
Respecting noise, privacy, and guests
Put expectations into writing—not as punishment, but as clarity. Without defined responsibilities, resentment becomes almost guaranteed.
4. Have an Honest, Calm Conversation
This doesn’t need to be a confrontation.
Choose a neutral time (not in the middle of an argument) and use “I” statements, not accusations.
Instead of: “You do nothing around here.”
Try: “I feel overwhelmed doing all the household tasks and I need help.”
Instead of: “You’re taking advantage of us.”
Try: “I need this living arrangement to feel balanced and respectful for everyone.”
Your tone matters just as much as your message.
5. Allow Natural Consequences
Enabling is often born from love—but it can stall everyone’s growth.
If your adult child refuses to contribute, solve their own problems, or pursue independence, you can:
Stop covering expenses that are not your responsibility
Require rent
Reduce your availability to rescue or solve problems
Set a move-out timeline
Boundaries are not punishment—they’re about preserving relationships, not ending them.
6. Decide What You Are—and Are Not—Willing to Continue
Ask yourself:
What am I okay providing?
What am I no longer comfortable absorbing?
What must change for me to feel respected?
Your boundaries should match your values—not guilt, fear, or pressure.
7. Remember: Love and Boundaries Can Coexist
Often the fear is: “If I set boundaries, they’ll think I stopped caring.”
But the truth is the opposite.
Boundaries protect relationships from resentment. Adults thrive with structure, respect, and expectations—not unlimited comfort without responsibility.
It is loving to prepare your child for independent adulthood. It is loving to protect your emotional and financial wellbeing. It is loving to say: “I care for you AND I need balance in our home.”
Final Thoughts
You deserve peace in your home.
Your adult child deserves the chance—and the expectation—to grow into independence.
Feeling taken advantage of is not a failure of parenting; it’s a signal that something needs to be adjusted. With honest communication and mutual respect, many families find a healthier, happier rhythm where everyone feels valued rather than drained.
If it feels difficult, give yourself grace. Parenting doesn’t end when they turn eighteen—it just changes shape.
And you are allowed to change with it.